A quickie!

Oh dear... A long time has lapsed since my last entry, but I know you'll forgive me because you know how time flies when you are a mum.

I've just been re-hashing a conversation I had with my old neighbour. Judy is 80 this year, her husband (whom she barley tolerates but loves completely) is 81. I met them when they bought the house next door to where we were renting, maybe D1 was just born? Since then I have lost all recollection of time;)

I digress.

During a conversation one day Judy said, "I used to make the kids undies out of Ted's old Bonds singlets". At the time I thought, 'now that's recycling'! Now, tonight, sitting here dressing the kids in their singlets I think, HOW THE HELL DID SHE FIT IT ALL IN?! I think about how busy I am and all the things I've done today and how pissed off at the world I am because there is just so much to do and so little time for myself...

Judy had three kids, Ted had various jobs during his working life, policeman (when there was one phone in the town), debt collector, publican, painter...to name a few. Needless to say, he was an absent husband.

Of her three kids, a daughter and two sons, her younger son developed (not sure if that is the right word) a mental illness, he later died in a drug overdose). Her daughter, has her own daughter now and rings her mum often. Her son, sadly, is just like his father. I can't describe him (never met him), but I get the impression to get any emotion is like getting blood from a stone.

I hate to have to devote so little time to their descriptions but I'm squeezing this in between bath time and bed time.

I'm talking to the other mums lately, anger is a word that come up often. We are so ticked off! No, really. Mums are really feeling out of sorts. Of the mums I'm talking to, none of them know the answer, I mean, we all know what it means to be a devoted mother and wife but where do we squeeze in time for ourselves? We women don't understand how important the situation is so how can we expect our husbands? In this department, don't kid your selves ladies, you husband has no idea. I hate to be the one to have to tell you this but, even though you are floundering, the only one who can help you is yourself.

When your mum was young and had six kids to take care of, not only did she raise you but she also milked the cows, made clothes out of old curtains and showed up (kids immaculate) to church on Sunday. She didn't complain, she always had a dinner waiting for hubby and the kids were disciplined.

Post Natal Depression didn't exist and every one grinned and beared it.

In the words of of a great friend and fellow confused/frustrared mum, "We've had our revolution, now its the mens turn". She informed me, of the women who earn more than their husbands and go off to full time employment, 70% of them still come home and do the lions share of the house work.

Women, mums, chicks. Do as I say and not as I do! Spend at least two hours two times a week wholey and souly on yourself, trust me, everyone will benefit!

Make it happen. Do not lose the togetherness.

Vanessa.

Newsletter

Welcome to our very first newsletter!

January has been a wonderful month for the grand opening of a wallet friendly kids fashion boutique.
Buying clothes for the kids can be fun and exciting but it can also be confusing and costly.

When my daughter began toilet training, some literature I had read suggested taking your child to the store so they could chose their very first undies as a part of the training process. It made sense.

So, off we go. Said daughter has her own over the shoulder coin purse, a ten dollar note in it and me hyping the whole experience up during the walk there.

When we got to the undies section I could not believe my eyes, they cost almost as much as my own and they were the same cut! How could a two year old feel comfortable in a bikini brief? I don’t even feel comfortable in a bikini brief!

But, we had made the journey and she was expecting to buy her first undies so after willing her to chose the ones that were on sale we headed home to put them in the laundry, she also hung them out to dry.

Those undies were the worst! They didn’t cover much in the gusset area and they were constantly up her bottom.

My girlfriend, who is Japanese, had her mother come to Australia for a visit, with her she brought various cool things for the kids, floaties, shoes and UNDIES!

These undies were so much more appropriate for little bottoms, they were soft, well elasticized and most important; they were a full brief!

My girl loves her “panties” and these have been integral to the toilet training process.

Building Blocks

I had a light bulb moment last week, and it was a beautiful one.  I have been struggling recently, I have been wondering... where has "Ness" gone?  "Mum" is everywhere and "Mum" is forever looking forward to nap time but it never happens as I would like...one goes down but not the other.  Or, one goes down too late and then won't go to bed until late late in the night.  Those nap times are when "Ness" gets to do her thang!  Those times were turning into a life line.

Hmm, writing this I realize how disturbingly true that was.  Why did I neeed the girls to go to sleep?   And to just to go to bed, with out the song and dance, with out the whining!  Please!  Far out, I don't think I've ever been so frustrated. Clearly some incense and quiet were needed...

So, the light bulb moment?  Well, D1 is always at me, "Play with meeee", "Run Mama", "Chase me", you get the idea.  I do these things but I'm limited to how many times I can run around the island bench in my kitchen yelling, "where's Evie gone"?!  So out of the packed boxes (just moved into our new house) come the bag of blocks...

BLOCKS ARE AWESOME!  Who knew?

The last time D1 and I played with the blocks the highlight was her "Tip!  Tip mama, I tip"!-ing them all over the floor, pack them up and yep, "TIP! TIP MAMAAAA"! all over the floor.

Last week we used every block, every single block, to build a really tall tower.  D2 would come along and knock it down so guess what?  We'd build another one!  Who do you think was asking to build another one?  Me!  That was the first day.

The second day, D1 brings out the blocks again and we build and we build, but this time, I find myself trying to control the build!  But I don't think much of it because, being a grown up, I know if you don't balance things that bad boy is going to fall right over mid build.

Day three, I suggest we build blocks and, of course, D1 is delighted.  This time, as we are building, I realize if we do things my way every tower is going to be almost identical...and boring.  Hmm, maybe I should follow D1's lead more?  Every tower becomes so different because D1 is doing her thang! Every tower is awesome because of Evie.  We are now building together, yes, I still keep things balanced but she gets to be as Dr Suese in the building department as she damn well pleases!  She is cool man, the girls got style!

So, what is the point of all this?  I can't remember if it was day three or day four but in a moment I realized that even though D1 and D2 are demanding, loud, energetic and, at times, irritating~SO AM I!  That, when they won't go to sleep and they are foiling my plans for some "me time", the real plan was and is to have our children and raise them.

I AM a mother of two daughters now, "Ness" is still here, there and everywhere.  If I get my time its a bonus, but, the best thing is having two healthy beauties who, for now, need/want me to hang out with them.

Hmm, building blocks showed me all that?!  Life really can be that simple.

Vanessa. 

Our really tall tower, just a bit wonky.

I love the thought of brutal honesty... So long as you go first!

http://www.ted.com/talks/rufus_griscom_alisa_volkman_let_s_talk_parenting_taboos.html

Recently I admitted to an aquaintence that I had smacked my eldest child, she said, "Whoa!  You are brave to admit it"!  I was a little taken aback by this, was she saying she disapproved?  Well, actually, what she was saying was, "there is a time and place for everything; even smacking".  I don't tell you this to endorse smacking, just that I have and at the same time have never been more aware of this weird dance we play amongst each other.  Constantly sizing each other up and saying as much or as little as is acceptable.

My husband and I lived over seas for years, socializing with ex-pats and just talking in all honesty, all childless, all with nothing to lose.  Now we have relocated to our home country to be "near" to our families, start a family of our own and lay some roots.  We are doing it, we are creating a new net work of friends but life is different in the hood, "parent hood" that is.

Having children has introduced us to many people, as has work, but in our age bracket so many people have had or are having kids.  There is a lot of support for the, um...  the regular day to day of parenting.  But what of the under belly...

What about the first time you got your period after your first child was born?  You could have gone 18 months, or even more, with out having one.  When it did return did you feel like you were going to have a mental breakdown in the super market?  I did.  Did you feel completely alone after so many months of being watched over?  I did.

How about... husband builds you a house when he's not working and your rental runs out?  You find yourself living two hours away, completely alone, now with two babes,  commuting on weekends.  Pack, un-pack, parent solo.  Let me tell you, its hell!  What do you say to people then?  "Well, I know I'm getting a brand new house and every thing, but parenting all by myself, well...It's shit and I'm alone and miserable".

By this stage every one is hearing you complain, but their own lives are so full of babies and hard work that although they can sympathise, you really are all on you own.

And guess what?!  That's OK cause you'll get through it.  Yep, you'll get through it.  And what makes it all bearable?  Is that you can talk about it!

Start talking and speak openly, you'll be surprised how many other people just want to talk openly too.  If they are critical, move on, the last thing you need is to be judged. 


Vanessa.