http://www.ted.com/talks/rufus_griscom_alisa_volkman_let_s_talk_parenting_taboos.html
Recently I admitted to an aquaintence that I had smacked my eldest child, she said, "Whoa! You are brave to admit it"! I was a little taken aback by this, was she saying she disapproved? Well, actually, what she was saying was, "there is a time and place for everything; even smacking". I don't tell you this to endorse smacking, just that I have and at the same time have never been more aware of this weird dance we play amongst each other. Constantly sizing each other up and saying as much or as little as is acceptable.
My husband and I lived over seas for years, socializing with ex-pats and just talking in all honesty, all childless, all with nothing to lose. Now we have relocated to our home country to be "near" to our families, start a family of our own and lay some roots. We are doing it, we are creating a new net work of friends but life is different in the hood, "parent hood" that is.
Having children has introduced us to many people, as has work, but in our age bracket so many people have had or are having kids. There is a lot of support for the, um... the regular day to day of parenting. But what of the under belly...
What about the first time you got your period after your first child was born? You could have gone 18 months, or even more, with out having one. When it did return did you feel like you were going to have a mental breakdown in the super market? I did. Did you feel completely alone after so many months of being watched over? I did.
How about... husband builds you a house when he's not working and your rental runs out? You find yourself living two hours away, completely alone, now with two babes, commuting on weekends. Pack, un-pack, parent solo. Let me tell you, its hell! What do you say to people then? "Well, I know I'm getting a brand new house and every thing, but parenting all by myself, well...It's shit and I'm alone and miserable".
By this stage every one is hearing you complain, but their own lives are so full of babies and hard work that although they can sympathise, you really are all on you own.
And guess what?! That's OK cause you'll get through it. Yep, you'll get through it. And what makes it all bearable? Is that you can talk about it!
Start talking and speak openly, you'll be surprised how many other people just want to talk openly too. If they are critical, move on, the last thing you need is to be judged.
Vanessa.
